Off a successful and surprisingly entertaining gig in Albertville last Saturday, we at FlashMob! are entering a period known as “the winter doldrums.” We enter this show-free period where we, individually, and as a whole, celebrate the silent majesty of a winter’s morn; the clean, cool chill of the holiday air; and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.

Before we slip off into our quiet period, we wanted to update last week’s RV post.

As mentioned in the aforementioned award-winning blog post (Folgers Coffee “Best Part of Waking Up” Post-o-the-month for December), Josh Kobow and Plete Mohs – our construction foreman and project manager, respectively – are busy planning the renovation of the 1972 Executive RV, which was recently purchased by the band to serve as our band van / band transport.

While Plete (in #ClassicMohs fashion) remains well-behind schedule finalizing the project plans, Josh – an extraordinary builder with a sweet set of tools – finished his elaborate and impressive blueprints and we’re happy to share a sneak peek to our most loyal fan.

First, the image (for a larger view, please click on the image):

Josh has provided some details outlining the exciting changes for the RV. Please follow the appropriate letters from the photo and their related bullet points below:

A.) As we see near the front of the RV, behind the driver and co-driver we have an old elementary school classroom divider separating the driving area from the entertainment area. This folding divider will allow the occupants of the main area of the RV to have a level of privacy not afforded with the RV’s current layout. Should events happening in the rear of the RV not be suitable for all eyes and ears, the divider can be closed to shield those less open to band-style tomfoolery from these sexcapades.

B.) After scrapping the RV’s remaining shelving, raccoon feces, and furniture, construction of a 70s-style half-round sofa will begin. To compliment this focal point of the RV we will be adding a faux-leather ottoman (C.).  The couch, made from a microfiber fabric picked up at an Ashley Furniture outlet sale, will allow the band to have a comfortable entertainment area that is both attractive AND functional. No longer will alcohol spills, nor a variety of messy human fluids be a cause for concern as a simple swipe of a moist toilette will bring the couch right back to its proper form. Some may say travelling in an RV while facing backwards would cause some level of stomach discomfort, please read (E.) below.

D.) As FlashMob! likes to play a wide variety of Super Nintendo games, a wide-screen tv is in order. This stunning 80-inch screen will be a perfect way for the band to play and feel immersed in the world of Dr. Mario, Piston Honda, and Christian Okoye. Also, using Apple TV, the band can stream any number of adult-themed videos directly from bandmembers’ iPhones to the large viewing screen. #Gungadeen

E.) Toilet. Self explanatory. #Gungadeen #Jeff #sicko

F.) Free space / storage. This area will most likely be filled with assorted band gear, but should the occasion arise, will also serve as a dance floor / cock-fighting arena. Flooring will be a tile purchased from Menards in protest from Collin as hates Menards.

G.) Bedroom. The bedroom will house a double bed, complete with Santa Fe-style bedding from Marshalls, a hotel painting of a lone native American on horseback, and a clock-radio with corded telephone (non-working). During long trips to exoctic locales such as Lake Okoboji, Iowa, Marquette, Michigan, and Burnsville, Minnesota, the band will need a place to rest and, in the case of Plete Mohs, dry hump a variety of lady friends. #ClassicMohs

The bedroom’s door will be made of a clear plastic, perfect for viewing.

As you can see from the plans, the RV will be an excellent way for FlashMob! to cover the Midwest in style. Not only will we be saving the earth by not driving 6 cars to shows (although the RV only gets 5-mpg), we’ll be doing so in style.

– Josh Kobow, master carpenter and construction foreman

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So there you have it. The initial plans for FlashMob!’s band RV. We’ve already started cleaning out the RV and will soon be working with a clean slate. Once Plete gets us set up on a final project plan, we’ll be off.

As an FYI, FlashMob! is a bit short of funds due to Josh’s construction plans and the decor chosen for the RV. Therefore the band will be looking for a corporate partner to cover our expenses. If you own or know of a company that would be open to sponsoring the band RV, we are open to creating a space on the exterior of the RV for their ads and promo materials. The space will be no larger than 10’x4′ and no smaller than 8″x3″.

Please let us know in the comments section if you are looking for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to spread your company’s word while cruising the open roads.

Stay tuned.

-Written by Collin Hummel