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St. Patty’s Day on a Saturday… finally!
FlashMob!, and formerly, The Subsidies, have played a lot of St. Patty’s Days. The best one we played was several years ago at O’Gara’s. I think it’s no coincidence that this was the last time the event was actually on a Saturday. Fast forward a few years, and ka-blammey! It’s on a Saturday again!
This time, we’re heading further south to Babe’s Music Bar in Lakeville. For those of you unfamiliar with this, it’s the place where we opened for Soul Asylum (umm, name drop much?) last year. Fun show. That was outside, but this will be inside where it’s warm and beer-ish. And, by beer-ish, I mean GREEN beer-ish. I don’t know how they make it green, and I don’t really care. Just note that it’s still beer, and drinking several of them can make you unbearably pleasant.
Anywho, you know the deets. Babe’s. March 17. 9:30 pm. St. Patrick’s Day. And here’s the best part. IT’S ON A SATURDAY! Oh, the second best part is that there is no cover charge. Consider it a free green beer. And now that I think of it, the third best part is that we have a ton of new virgin songs ready to be de-flowered.
Top 5 Reasons to Get to FlashMob! at Santorini in Eden Prairie This Friday
Normally, I’d be sending you those polite, hand-calligraphy style invitations to a show, without offering any real proof as to why you should attend.
Well, I’ve been feeling ambitious this week. So prepare to be amazed, enthralled, & generally talked into partying (not that you need any help–you’ve shown us that much).
Introducing the Top 5 Reasons to Get to FlashMob! at Santorini This Friday:
1. Greeks know how to party.
2. Valet parking.
3. Chances of Josh wearing his bow tie = 97%
4. Cougs.
5. Grant has adjusted his guitar strap to nipple-level…
This alone should make spending quality time with Grant seem irresistible. Or so he says.
FM! Headlines Pickle Park! & Laura Hangs It Up…
Here’s a few teaser pics from FlashMob! at Pickle Park on 1/6/12. There’s more stuff to be uploaded (including a row of full moons in honor of the Lovely Laura’s departure! P.S. Don’t miss the Laura Video!)—–
but we got stuff to do…. like BABE’S TOMORROW!
Be the first Mobsters to come and meet Josh, the kick-ass new bassist. His bio will be up on the website soon, but let’s think about this–if you come out tomorrow, you’ll be able to write that sum’bitch.
Come out, get silly–and don’t worry, if you need a place to crash, Collin lives nearby and has an extra set of bunk beds you can curl up in.
More of these FM! @ PP pics to come, but for now, enjoy!
“Yes, you definitely SHOULD go outside & get some fresh air.”
“Think of Laura but Laugh Don’t Cry”
I know it’s been a while since I rapped at ya, but I’ve been busier than Grant at a home brewers convention.
I come to you in the dawn of a new year, fresh with memories of a 2011 filled with Cougar-hunting, a liver-killing tour through upper Iowa — thank you Boji Boji Boji – and the most financially successful band year ever; we’re ‘this’ close to achieving the much ballyhooed VH1 Pop-up Video status!
But I digress. My reason for laying down some mad font action on you isn’t necessarily related to the aforementioned successful 2011, but to reflect upon the departure of our good friend and second most feminine group member, Laura Van.
Before getting to the good stuff, let’s throw 1.21 gigawatts at this byatch and let the Flux Capacitor do its thang! “When this baby his 88 words-per-minute, you’re going to see some serious shit!”
We’ll take a look at a few seminal events / happenings / rituals and, at the end, I’d like you to leave your comments as to what your favorite Laura stories are:
AUDITION
The year was 2005 and I met Laura – then in her mid- to late teens, she confessed – as we were both recruited by self-described super group Dave and Joe Lover to join them in their band. Our tryouts were to be held in some hoity-toity neighborhood 190 miles from civilization. Having never sing/sang/sung, aside from a stint as alto-tenor in a high school production of “Ice Ice Baby, the story of Rob Van Winckle,” I was scared out of my mind. Laura, too, hadn’t been involved in many things music, aside from playing the sadomasochistic cheerleader for local S&M band, ‘Sexxxplosion’ – yes, a real band name. Laura made an immediate impact on the two brothers with her band gear. Instead of bringing a typical bass amp, one which would require a tag team approach to lifting, Laura brought with her an amplifier that couldn’t have been larger than a pack of Tic-tacs.
Laura and I were asked to audition along with Joe and Dave to the tunes of Hootie and the Blowfish and Peter Cetera; yeah, we knew right away this was the group for us. Laura, visibly nervous – and a precursor of what was to come for the next 6+ years – was having trouble with her digestive system and barely made it through the night with bouts of “touching cloth” or “head of the turtle.”
Long story short, we made it and the rest is history. Sort of.
The band would be called “The Subsidies” because apparently all the other good band names were taken. We spent the next four years perfecting our craft while touring the Midwest in venues ranging from depressing to somewhat depressing to not too bad to “we shouldn’t be playing here … we’re not worthy” awesome.
Each and every show it was me up front and Laura behind – literally and figuratively - to my left; your right.
“DOOOOSH”
As the only member of the band without large equipment – <insert joke here> – I made myself useful by spilling beverages on the other band members’ gear AND carrying Laura’s stack (stack = band term for heavy shit). Each show I would lift, drag, pull and kick Laura’s equipment from her car to the gig and on stage.
One eventful evening while playing at O’Gara’s in St. Paul, Laura and I came to blows. Well, verbal blows, but blows nevertheless. To get stuff off stage at O’Gara’s, you have to traverse a series of steep, non-up-to-code stairs that were used as extras in the ending scene of The Blair Witch Project. As I was want to do, I was going too fast and Laura, who was lifting the backend of the stack, stumbled, telling me to slow down. I – always the gentleman – replied to her with “Carry your own shit then.” You ever say something and before you’re finished saying it immediately regret it?
Well, Laura had the perfect comeback: “Doooosh,” she said while shaking her head in disgust over me.
This was really the first time I had seen this side of Laura and was one side I didn’t want to revisit. Luckily, like the two giddy school girls we were/are, we made up shortly after and were able to go back to spilling vitriol about Joe and his penchant for making us do things we didn’t want to do, like be successful.
“HIM, HE’S OK, BUT HER …. SHE’S HOT AS HELL”
It’s pretty obvious when watching us perform that Laura, aside from being a very talented bassist, serves as the band’s sole form of on-stage sex appeal (not counting the one time when Joe flat ironed his hair. Hot!).
It’s one thing for flocks of men (is it “flocks” or “cacophony”?) to drool over Laura, which they did each show (less so once she started dressing in corporate casual stage attire) but shortly into our tenure as Minnesota’s Best Cover Band it became evident that members of the female persuasion were equally into Laura, as well. This hit home one snowy night in Mankato.
Laura had an unusually large following this particular night. The men were crowding the stage in an attempt to let Laura know that she was more than welcomed to come back to their parents’ house for a little dry humping. Laura “loved” attention like this and did all she could to escape it on stage. I believe at one point of the adoration she crawled into Dave’s drum kit to play her bass.
We finished our set, got off stage and were immediately met with a gaggle of “fans” many of whom were looking to marry Laura and have as many as 3 kids. One person – an attractive woman in her 20s – in particular walked up to Laura and myself and let us know that while “he is ok,” she said about me, “but she is fuckin’ hot. I’d hook up with her.”
BATHROOM! I NEED A BATHROOM”
Laura has the digestive fortitude of a 2-month old child. One way – many pontificate – that Laura stays so slim is due to her having horrible bouts of diarrhea prior and during each show. This is a statistical fact. That is all. I am sorry. It seems her pre-show ritual is made up of getting the “loosey poopsies.”
“JUST PLAY SOMETHING. ANYTHING”
Some of us screw up on stage. Even Grant. Once.
When I make a mistake or forget the lyrics, I go with it and simply replace the proper lyrics with, well, improper ones. Big deal. Wanna fight about it? Example. The song “Pour Some Sugar On Me” has a stanza that is SUPPOSED to go as follows:
“Do you take sugar? One lump or two?” = Correct version
“Do you like peaches? One lump or two?” = Collin’s version
When Laura screws up, she shuts ‘er down. It’s over.
Laura’s first bass amp was equipped with a Knight Rider-like set of red lights that, when the bass is played, are supposed to light up in synchronization. So, if the lights are blinking, she’s playing. If they are not, she is not. There were plenty of occassions where you could look over at Laura, flush with panic, and see that indeed her stack’s lights were darker than American Horror Story.
I’ll miss that.
CONCLUSION … THE FINAL SET
I hope each one of my 2 readers will use the message board below to write their favorite memories of band Laura. There are countless memories and tales.
I just want to end by saying that, at its worst, when the audience wass in the 10s or the show was going horribly or I’d simply lost the will to survive on stage, it’s always been comforting to have my anchor, Laura, back behind me, to my left; your right.
Better yet, when we’re having one of THOSE shows – those shows that are epic(!) – it’s even better to look back and see Laura’s joy and share in that experience with her. From Rock Cancer to Boji to the $10-a-night hotel in St. Cloud to sleeping on a tarp as to not get AIDS in Iowa to a rancid RV trip through Michigan to Pan-o-Prog to … well .. to all of ‘em, Laura, it’s been an absolute honor to do this band thing with you. To destroy bathrooms. To bitch and laugh with you. To learn how to be in a band together. I wish you the best in your next endeavor and I look forward to carrying your stack, anytime …
“Doosh.”
… SO, what are your favorite Laura tales … ??
Happy FlashMob! I mean, New Year?
Holy baloney, 2011 went fast. But the past is the past, last year’s criminal charges have already been processed and now 2012 is here…….so let’s focus on the most important thing:
FRIDAY, JANUARY 6TH IS LAURA’S LAST SHOW!
(YEAH, THAT’S LIKE….TOMORROW.)
You’ll kick yourself (HARD) if you miss this one, so get the deets & put your party pants (or bra, or socks, whatever you prefer) on and get up to Pickle Park to play with us!
In the mean time, if you’re bored and stuff, you can peek at a few shots from the last two shows at Santorini’s and Pickle Park:
FlashMob! at Babe’s in Lakeville
Hey Mobsters! Sorry for the brief hiatus, but partying is hard work.
Check out the pics from the other weekend at one of our favorite spots–Babe’s Music Bar downtown Lakeville– then don’t miss the shenanigans TONIGHT at Pickle Park in Fridley!
Guess who???
All that spillage can certainly wear a guy out…
Red shoes just compliment the set list better.
These shoes are just meant to give you vertigo.
These shoes….. are for sale. Want ‘em?
What’s that? Oh. Why, yes, this is a live-action shot of Laura slapping Joe in the face.
Drum boy.
Yes Joe, the combination of red stage lights and your pedo-stache does make you look 76% more creepy.
The awesome girls that helped us belt out Livin’!!
The more of these pics I see, the happier I am that Movember is over.
We’ve got a super fun 2012 planned, so don’t miss a moment–stay up on all the FM! news by clicking the ole’ “Like” button on FlashMob!’s Facebook Page, or follow FlashMob! on Twitter so Collin at least has someone to leak all those PG-13 pictures to.
FlashMob! Back at McKracken’s! | Twin Cities Cover Band
First Order of Business: Get to Babes –> TONIGHT!
Now…..
Back to the old ball game on our fall tour! McKracken’s is always a blast, especially when you have a birthday girl who is well on her way to partying before we even start the first set!
A big thanks to the awesome crowd that game out to get silly with us! Check out the pics!
Somehow Collin is the only one that came out clear….impressive!
BIRTHDAY GIRL!
Mobsters!
Some dance lessons went down between sets!
Where are your red shoes?!
FlashMob! at Tiffany’s, Halloween 2011 | Minneapolis Cover Band
I’ll just come right out and say it. I’m going to need roughly 47 naps before I’m back to normal after this show. It was fantasmagorical. (Yes, that’s a word.) Lots of pics blowing up this post, as it was a full time job to catch even a slice of the craziness that went down.
Check it!
Action shot!
Sweep the leg!
True love. (At least until Part II comes out.)
The whole famn damily.
Super Girl, SunDrop, & Danny.
These chicks brought the dance party.
2 creeps. Not sure what’s worse, Kourtney Kardashian’s b/f Scott Disick, or that ‘stache…?
Looks like Kourtney K. found a new boyfriend in this strapping young lad from Cobra Kai.
Danny Larusso points out his imposter!
One. Scary. Crew. :S
Cringing at the excitement of all these characters.
Collin staking his claim on some ghoul, goblin–or beer-chugging geriatric– in the kick-ass crowd.
McZombies.
Thanks for coming out, Mobsters!
Oh, & did I forget to mention we’re hiking up our party pants once again this week at McKracken’s in Burnsville? Come out for all-you-can-drink-shots, compliments of Jeff.
We Got You, Babe’s.
You’ve waited so long, and they’re finally here! The sweet shots from our last show at Babe’s. We had a kick-ass time as usual. Don’t miss our next show in Lakeville in a few weeks, but we’ll have plenty of sweaty, dancy (spelling?) goodness to tide you over until then (Try this Saturday, at Tiff’s in St. Paul).
Aaaaand go!
For once, Jeff is not a blur of splintered drumsticks. Impressive.
Laura & I might have been practicing our ‘squished’ faces. Hers is happier.
“So yeah, you know how I add a hat after the first set? This is the new one.”
This many wires may be against fire code.
