Browsing articles from "July, 2011"
Telling cancer to suck it
This August 20, FlashMob! gets to help fight the fight against cancer. We’re headlining an event in Eastern Wisconsin called Rock Cancer, a day-long live music festival featuring five rockin’ bands. This is the Mob’s third consecutive year that we’ll be headlining, and I can safely say it’s a band favorite.
Last year, over 3,500 people attended the massive event, and over $60,000 was raised. So friggin’ awesome.
To learn more about the event (and how you can attend or just plain old help), visit the Spierings Cancer Foundation website. You can also get the most up-to-date info at Rock Cancer’s Facebook page.
FlashMob! at Rock Cancer II in 2010
Collin ~ read full bio
Mr. Hummel, Public Enemy No. 1, gained notoriety through out the Midwest as the charismatic front man for local favorite The Subsidies.
Taking his talents with him to FlashMob!, Hummel has created a stage presence filled with passion, conviction, and other buzz-words such as “awesomeness” and “constipation-ism.” Not easily tracked down, yet highly visible, Collin enjoys nothing more than getting the audience to participate in the show – asking for any willing (preferably attractive young women) participants to join him in belting out a classic hit or pop favorite. YOU could be his next target (no, not you. You, over by the Sacks game)!
Collin’s alter ego “Surge Gerisson” may sell dirigible accessories (flags, antennae, various lubricants) during the daytime hours, but once the sun goes down, the Mob is secure and the show is set, his rock star personality, along with 33” waist pants, jumps into action!
Guest blog post ~ Let’s call him “Jim”
Are you guys getting big enough where it’s cool to hate you yet? I don’t…I mean, not for sure, but you know that guy who finds the coolest things and then hates on them to seem unique and interesting? Yeah, that’s me. I actually already quit Google +. That shit sucks. I quit MySpace in 1988 and haven’t played Xbox since the 70′s. For real, I’m that cool. I actually only use colloquialisms like “for real” to be ironic. Because obviously that shit is totally played out as well.
I love handlebar mustaches, like to the point that I’m going to tattoo one on my (no, you fuckstick NOT on my finger, I’ve already seen like 3 jpgs on the web of that played out dumb ass idea so I will NOT be doing that)….shit, where was I… Oh yeah…tattoo one on my leg.
Why my leg? So that when I see people without cool facial hair I will kick them in the face. Then my homeslice Ronnie (yes, from Jersey Shore, but not the TV show, just the location) will polaroid that shit just at the right moment so it’s positioned in the mustache zone. Then I’ll scan the pics and load them up to one of those really cool blogs. Not that I blog anymore, but maybe I’ll put them on Tumblr (sidenote: they allow boobs on Tumblr, and there are a lot of them)
Why do I use a Polaroid? Huh…let’s see, I guess because iPhones are totally played out? Yes. That is why….do you even know me? These questions I’m asking on your behalf really make you seem like a dumbass.
OK, sorry this got a little long, but I wanted you to really get a feel for how cool I am. Not like normal cool, but like fucking ultra hipster cool with a stupid fucking 6 inch beard hanging off my face that makes others sweat at the mere sight of it. I wear pinstriped, cut off Oshkosh overalls. I smell like a combination of patchouli oil, ditchweed and sweat.
I’m assuming you’re getting the picture. So now, assuming you got the feel for my level of coolness, let’s go back to the original question…are you guys big enough to hate yet? Or are you like super local and small enough that I can say your name in front of 145 people and NONE of them have ever heard of you. Because THAT is the type of band I like. Ever heard of Framing Nelson? Didn’t think so…they’re shit is awesome. They are a small indie band out of Boise. They have only had 2 shows ever. What about Monster Crayon? It’s just a little duo out of Manitoba that plays only a flute and a triangle. Got Shaking Deck Post’s new single? Probably not, because they don’t HAVE a single.
Alright, I’m out. The web is so fucking over.
-”Jim”
Why I Drink Coors Light
Good afternoon, Minions.
I’m sitting here on my Ikea-made lounger (from the POÄNG series, I believe) sifting through oodles of fan mail (I love you all), whilst ”crushing” an ice cold, widemouth, vented, silo of Coors Light. I am, to be frank, in heaven. First of all, for the unlearned, “crushing’ means slamming, as opposed to sipping. One doesn’t sip Coors Light. One crushes Coors Light. One enjoys Coors Light.
Second, I feel that the best use of this blog – aside from political rebuttals – is to answer the hard-hitting emails I receive from you, my fans.
With that said, I received an email from one Ashley Allowits, of Farmington, Mn. It reads as follows:
Dear Collin,
I am such a fan of your work, both on stage and in the communities (thank you for your tireless work to save orphaned field mice; you are truely [sic] an inspiration). I do have one question for you: why do you drink Smart Water on stage and Coors Light offstage so much? I’m a fan of both, but am wondering if this is out of love for the products or because of another, less tangible reason.
Anyway, I love you and am so excited to see you at the Dog House in Maplewood on the 5th of August.
Sincerely,
Ashley Allowits
PS> Your rendition of “Walking on Air” is my fave!!! Please play that and add “Uprising” by Muse and “Closer to the Edge” by 30 Seconds to Mars.
So, Ashley, you’ve noticed my beverage consumption, eh? That’s very cool. Let me explain:
While not currently sponsored by either Smart Water, nor Coors Light, I would be open to an arrangement whereas either company pays me cash to drink their beverages. Sign me up. While we’re at it, I’d be willing to sponsor products ranging from: Spanx, Levi’s skinny jeans, chest hair restorative product(s), the Dress Barn, Jamison Whiskey, Jeremiah Weed, Ron’s Plumbing Company, and any number of local full-service car wash businesses.
Anyway, I drink Smart Water for a couple of reasons, but mainly because Jennifer Aniston supports the brand. She is, in a word, “perfect.” Yeah, yeah, some say or guess she’s a bad lay and an annoying girlfriend, but that usually comes from a place of jealousy. Who cares if she can’t hold down a man longer than the duration of a mouse fart? Who cares if she films nude scenes and then doesn’t release them? If Jen drinks it, I drink it. The other more scientific reason is due to the addition of electrolytes in the water as they not only serve as a great thirst quencher, but also improve my physical stamina and respiratory system’s functionality (or something like that, I imagine).
Now, in talking about Coors Light and my love of the product, it comes down to one word: technology.
For those who don’t know, I am a bit of a technophile. I was the first person on earth to own an Atari 2600 (same for an Apple IIe, but who is bragging?), I stood in line for 12 days to buy the Motorola Razr flip phone, and I have owned each iPhone (mainly because I drop and subsequently break them, but I digress). I own a litany of flat panel televisions, including one that produces a near-perfect 4D picture. I could go on, but just know I am pretty much soaking in technology.
Naturally, I would want to drink a beer that shares the same passion, so to speak, for technology. And Coors Light does this to a “T”. Let’s run through the ways, shall we?
- Widemouth opening for quicker, easier drinking (“Crushing”) – If anything, one wants to drink their beer super fast.
- Vented lid for better beverage flow (see previous bullet)
- Cold-temp notification system – You ever grab a beer, expecting it to be cold, but instead it’s so hot that you burn your mouth or crotch so badly they have to fly a replacement mouth or penis in from Pyongyang? Exactly! With the 2 levels of cold notification on the Coors Light can, you never have to worry about spilling hot beer on your man parts. If it’s blue, it’s cold. If it’s SUPER blue, it’s damn near Krypton-cold. If it’s not a shade of blue at all, it’s probably boiling. Put it down.
- Silo can – Coors Light is the only beer to come in the tall, silo apparatus. Instead of a hard to hold, 16-ounce cylinder, Coors Light comes in an easy-to-hold, 21-ounce can.
- Can lining – the Coors Light can is lined with a NASA-created material that not only keeps the beer at a comfortable -45 degrees F, but also increases the amount of pushups a man can do by 15%. It’s math and can’t be argued
- Water – the most important feature (albeit a non-technical feature) that makes Coors Light the nectar of the Gods is the source of its water. Fact: Coors Light uses crystal clear water derived directly from the Rockies (the mountains, not the baseball team). While most beers (ahem, Microbrews) use shitty tap water or water gathered after an acid-rain storm, Coors Light has a never-ending agreement to use the Rockies as a source for their beer’s water. Being that this water is coming off of the mountains and glaciers, the temperature is damn near freezing. The water is so cold that even looking at it makes one’s face freeze up for days on end. Fact: Coors uses a space-age polymer to tap the water and filter the deer shit out of it for inclusion in the brewing cycle. Once collected, the water is mixed with a secret recipe of hops and other stuff to make for the perfect beer.
I could go on forever as the Miller-Coors company has over 243,000 patents alone on its Coors Light can and packaging system, but you get the picture.
So, Ashley, why do I drink Coors Light? Because, drinking anything else would be bat-shit crazy. Can you imagine coming off a 3-set gig and wanting to drink some piss Microbrew that some dude brewed in a closet in his basement? “This smells of oak and mahogany,” he’d say while gagging down some thick, gravy-like concoction he brewed out of kit bought at Mendards. No thanks. When I want refreshment, I drink Coors.
In closing, I hope I’ve answered your question, Ashley. Also, I appreciate the boob shot you included in your last email. Thanks for that.
- Collin, Lead Singer, Technology Expert, Beer Lover (as long as it’s Coors Light).
PS> Yes, we’ll be adding those songs. Hang tight!
"I love technology ..."
MaK ~ read full bio
When she’s not travelling around the nation (and globally, at times), local celebrity singer MaK joins FlashMob! on stage to showcase both her powerful vocals and fresh out of the local modeling scene good looks. A two-time Grammy nominee, Mak has been featured on America’s Got Talent, Glee, and in various YouTube videos not-safe for work (labeled as such with the NSFW naming-convention).
While FlashMob! can’t confirm nor deny a MaK appearance at a FlashMob! show, let’s just say you’ll be happy when she steps on stage.
Jeff ~ read full bio
Jeff has been hitting things with sticks since before Charles was in charge. After realizing a pro-baseball career wasn’t in the cards, Jeff decided to take a stab at drums. Turns out he’s ok.
Formerly of uber successful Minneapolis rock band Summit Ave., the man has loads of experience playing around the tri-state area. Jeff may have already fulfilled his purpose in life by playing the Cathedral stage with Summit Ave. at the 2005 Cities 97 Basilica Block Party, but he’s happy to grace FlashMob! with his time, and for that, he’s always allowed to ride shotgun.
Have you ever caught a drumstick at a concert? Wasn’t that awesome?!? Yeah, so has Jeff… in the eye. This is why you will never have to worry about our drummer throwing his drumsticks out to the legions of adoring fans following us from town to town. Jeff was so traumatized by the experience, he started the charitable organization Poked In the Eye to raise money for those poked in the eye by flying drumsticks at rock concerts. If you would like to donate to Poked in the Eye, please visit www.pokedintheeye.com.
Joe ~ read full bio
Joe eats guitar for breakfast. This is the same Joe Lover who once out-dueled Carlos Santana (not the famous one, but he of Carlos and Son’s Plumbing out of Oswego, MN) in a thrill-a-minute guitar race to the death. Just know that when Joe starts playing, pants start dropping (usually his from a lack of belt).
Joe likes long walks on the beach, butterfly kisses, and delivering severe ass-kickings through his St. Paul based fight club. The club has a much more lax discussion policy than that OTHER fight club. Joe can, and often times will at great lengths, talk about fight club.
New venue alert! The Dog House!
FlashMob! has played just about everywhere over the years. Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin… even a magically frightening place known only as Fridley.
But, we are Maplewood virgins. MapleGins, as known in the biz. But, we finally get some on Friday, August 5. The Mob headlines The Dog House (formerly The Rock) in Maplewood, and we’ve heard good things about the venue from other metro bands. Start time is around 9:30, and we’ll wrap up around 1:30.
Check out this fancy Facebook event page for more details, and then come help us make the first show there a good one!
Minneapolis Music Series Show – CANCELLED
We were ready. Jeff had a set list (wow!). Collin shaved his back. Laura even shaved her front. Nothing could stop the Mob! from showing the Tuggs/Vics peeps a thing or two about light jazz rock and roll.
Well. Nothing but a day of biblical-style rain. Sadly, when playing an outdoor show, rain and volcanoes can be an issue. And, a bigger tear-down-the-cheek is that this music series is booked mostly at once, and for the whole summer. So, no “rain checks” here, folks.
There’s always 2012. But, that rain/volcano issue is probably going to cause issues, with the end of the world and all.
